Have you read Mark of the Horse Lord? That one always impressed me with its fairly unflinching representation of the society. Also, Warrior Scarlet, which was my mother's favourite. I remember the romance in Dawn Wind, but it always seemed pretty understated - for me, it was the dog.

She does male friendship so well - I'd be interested to know more about her. I remember my mum reading, I think, her autobiography, or something about her childhood, and I believe she was housebound and "physically challenged" as they say today.